No Harm Done
by iron kitty
Summary: A fortune motivates Kaoru to take matters into her hands. Completed.
1. Fortune

"Come on, let's go

"Come on, let's go!" she said as she ushered the boy and the redheaded swordsman through the gate.

"Hey, you're the one we were waiting on, Kaoru, so how come you're acting like we're the ones holding you up?" the boy complained.

"It's too early to ruin my mood, Yahiko."Kaoru's brows knitted while she shook her fist at the boy.

"Now, now… let's not fight… oh look!"Over the horizon, red and yellow fireworks flared across the sky."That means we'll be right on time, right, Kaoru-dono?" 

Fascinated by the display in the sky, she quickly forgot her anger and unconsciously tugged on the redhead's sleeve."Let's hurry, it's going to be so much fun!"

"Well, I'm out of here.I promised Tsubame I'd escort her during the festival.See you guys later."With that, he ran to the town square.

It was fabulous; the town square was filled with life: colorful lights, music playing, people laughing, and children playing with sparklers.Two familiar figures strolled along the toy stand with two little girls gleefully pointed at the pretty dolls on display. 

"Look, it's Sano and Megumi-dono," the redhead motioned. "Sa-mph!"Finding her hands clamped over his mouth, Kenshin turned his head towards the dojo master, her index finger to her lips

"No, Kenshin!Let's leave them alone."

"But why?"

"Take a look at them and you'll understand."

He did as she told him and he saw a picture worth painting: Sano, who looked to both sides to see if anyone was watching, handed a small bouquet of flowers to Megumi, who was somewhat taken aback by the tender gesture.The two little ones were oblivious to the scene occurring behind them.

"Woo-hoo! Way to go!I knew it, man!That lady doctor IS Sano's woman!"

The shout came from the neighboring yakitori stand, where a handful of Sanosuke's friends were eating.

"Yeah, man!Go for it!We wish you lots of happiness!"

Slapping his palm to his forehead, Sanosuke muttered a curse under his breath while the doctor tried her best to hide her flushed face.They left the scene in a hurry with the two children in tow.

The two other onlookers laughed and giggled at the amusing drama that took place."Kaoru-dono, I'm glad I didn't call Sano."

"No kidding!Did you see the look on Megumi's face?"Chuckling, the samurai nodded.

How wonderful for her, she thought.

When the laughing subsided, she looked around at the stands to decide which one she should visit first.There, at the corner of the square not too far from the bridge, was a fortuneteller booth.She smiled.

"Kenshin, I'd like to go to that booth," she smiled as she pointed to its direction.

"All right." She led the way and something playful in him asked, "Was there something you wanted to know about your future?"

She laughed nervously."Um, not really… I just want to know if and when Yahiko will stop calling me ugly."

It was mean-spirited of the boy to say such a thing to her when she was any thing but that in his eyes.At times he himself wanted to reprimand him for saying mean words to her, but with her unyielding spirit and her wooden sword in tow, it was easier to feel sorry for the boy.

He walked to the stand with her and found an old woman with a crown of lustrous gray hair artfully pinned on her head."I'll wait over here, okay?" he said as he sat down the bench adjacent to the stand."Thank you.Hopefully it'll all be good fortunes!"She gave him a cheery smile that made him smile back.

"Come in, dear.I've been waiting for you."

"You have?"Of course she has, they all say that…

"Yes, now please have a seat."

As she sat down, she wondered what her future had in store for her, eager to hear what the old lady would say.Will I be rich? Will Yahiko ever stop calling me ugly?Will I get married?And with that last thought, she sighed as she hopelessly thought of the redhead waiting for her outside.This matter between them was like a ship that set sail into an unending field of blue and never finding a shore to throw its anchors.It was going somewhere and nowhere at the same time.Frustrating.Perhaps hopeless…There was really only one person she'd like to marry.

The fortuneteller looked for a minute at her face then tactfully asked, "My dear, what is bothering you?"

Her eyes widened."N-nothing.What makes you think so?"

The old lady took Kaoru's hand and held it for a long time without speaking a word.She finally withdrew and said, "You worry much about his affections toward you, that he has not told you how he feels . . . that you grow older in your days and are afraid things would just stay the way they are."

She gasped.'How could she know my thoughts?Can she read them?'

"Fear not, my dear, your youth and beauty will not betray you.Listen to a woman of great age like me.I advise that you keep your mind and heart clear of worry.There are far more complicated things you can worry about.Someone will realize your worth soon," she said, and she stood to usher her outside."That is all I can tell you."

Rather stunned at her words, she allowed herself to stand and be led outside.As she turned to gaze at the clairvoyant one last time, she heard her say, "My dear, you can do something about it."The old woman smiled at what she said, something incomprehensible to the girl standing before her. 

He saw her emerge from the booth, and turned to greet her."So . . . was it a good fortune, Kaoru-dono?"

She was staring out into the distance and scarcely heard him ask.

"Kaoru-dono?"

Coming back to reality, she shook her head slightly, eyes now stared at the ground and brow slightly furrowed."No… it wasn't a fortune, really…" she mumbled as she set pace forward, the gentleman walking with her."It was more like a revelation."

He noticed the sadness in her voice.'This was supposed to be for fun.Why isn't she happy?'

Then as if some happy spirit possessed her gloomy countenance, she said, "Let's go find the others, Kenshin."

Surprised, he nodded and followed her as they wove through the street full of happy, merry-making people.The display of fireworks in the sky elicited words of amazement from the crowd; the yellow, green and blue flares erupting and blooming out into enormous flowers of fire, with the red one being the final and the most elaborate flare of all. 

She saw none of it.


	2. First Lesson

She rose to meet the rays of sunshine that snuck through the crack of the sliding door

She rose to meet the rays of sunshine that snuck through the crack of the sliding door.She then dressed in her practice outfit and let out a long sigh.

'I don't know how that lady knew.It's as if she's known how I've felt for a long time.But, regardless… '

She stepped out of her room and woke the boy a few doors down.On the way to the dojo, she encountered the cross-scarred man beaming softly at her. 

"Good morning, Kaoru-dono.Breakfast will be ready soon.Is Yahiko awake?" 

She nodded, still preoccupied with previous thoughts of the fortuneteller.

_'You can do something about it.'_What was she supposed to do?  
  


It had been a chronic feeling inside her, this wishing for advances from the redhead standing before him, now chopping vegetables for the soup.It was a well-known fact everyone knew that she had a special affection towards this man; in her gut she knew that he also knew but never acknowledged it.The proprietor of the Akabeko restaurant had encouraged both of them time and again, setting up sly schemes to get them alone together.And during each time of togetherness, the coy samurai would break the warm mood by commenting on how full the moon was, how beautiful the sakura trees are, or how the breeze feels good to the skin.It was as if he didn't want to feel awkward, putting on his friendly air that seemed too great of a wall for either of them to climb.It seemed like she waited for years for him to do something about their situation; her silent request was comparable to dry grassland waiting for rain to come.

Her constant scrutiny brought her to a brow-furrowing thought:that perhaps there was something about her that prompted the redhead to keep his distance from her.And from here a wave full of reasons why this could be so came surging down from her mind and went crashing into her insides:her insecurities, her violent tendencies, her tomboyish skills, and her inability to prepare edible food. 

She looked guiltily at the gentle man as he handed her a bowl of miso soup.He caught this gaze in the corner of his eye, wondering what the lovely woman before him was thinking.He met her eyes with a smile and said, "Let's eat.I hope it's good."

To her, it was always good.Far better than hers.And at this realization she nearly choked on her food. 

"Are you all right, Kaoru-dono?" he asked, putting his chopsticks down.

"Yes, I'm fine.Ah, I'd better start practice with Yahiko.Thank you for making breakfast."She hurriedly finished her food and got up.Before she vanished out of sight, she turned and said, "Kenshin, I'll be teaching at two other dojos today, and a private lesson at the Yamazakis'.I won't make it for lunch, but I'll be back before dinnertime.I'll be in the dojo for now if you need me."And she was gone.

The red-haired man blinked twice, a bit startled and concerned at her peculiar demeanor.'_I wonder what she's thinking . . .'_

---XoOoX---

She worked very hard that day, wearing the boy Yahiko out when they sparred; the students at the other dojos just as panted like little puppies after a long run.All her energy stemmed from a newly awakened frustration inside her.

'I know I'm not perfect, this is the way I am . . .'

On the way to the Yamazaki estate, she stopped and sat under a tree, opening her takeout lunch box she had bought at the Akabeko restaurant.Money had flowed steadily in her income for some time now, and it was good to have many students again.

And so she sat and ate in silence. 

"Very good, Shintaro.Remember to keep your feet well distanced to keep your balance.Now with the same form, do 100 strokes." 

"Yes, sensei."

The boy did as she said and diligently followed her advice.Impressed at his obedience as well as his form, Kaoru proudly gazed at her pupil.

"Kaoru-chan, come rest a while beside 'Baachan."

She turned to see an old woman sitting on a bench by the koi pond, motioning with her arthritic hand.She gladly obliged.The old woman handed her a cup of cool water.

They watched the young boy do his exercises, his voiced counts and the sound of cicadas mingling in the air.

"My, Shintaro is growing so fast.You are a very good teacher, Kaoru-chan.He's much more disciplined than before."

She smiled."All the credit goes to him, really.It's up to him to improve."

The old woman chuckled.She turned her eyes to Kaoru to find her staring off into the distance.

"You're very far away, my dear.Only old people travel with thoughts like that."

Embarrassed, she let out a soft giggle."I'm sorry, Obaasan, I've been thinking a lot lately."

"Hmm?Care to tell 'Baachan?"  
  


"Oh, I shouldn't bother anyone with it…"

"Kaoru-chan, you are far too young to ruminate on your thoughts and turn your hair white."The old woman shifted closer to her and put her warm hand over hers."Even birds sing when they're sorrowful."

Touched by the old woman's compassion, she didn't think it would do any harm to tell her the tireless thoughts running in her mind, no matter how silly it may seem to her.And so she told the old woman of what the fortuneteller said, of what she didn't understand in the fortuneteller's last words, and she didn't know how to begin even if there was something to be done about it.All the while the old lady listened keenly, nodding occasionally.The grandmother's bright old eyes grew wide at the hot splashing sensation on her fingers.

"Oh, now, now, Kaoru-chan, don't cry," she pleaded, reaching into her obi and producing a handkerchief, and handed it to her. 

"I'm sorry, Obaasan . . . it's just, I've been alone all my life and I don't know how to help myself with this."She wiped the remainder of her tears with the handkerchief.

"Kaoru-chan, don't be sad.By realizing the magnitude of your problem, you've already solved it halfway."The old woman motioned her to look at the jasmine flowers that blossomed by the pond."Perhaps this flower plant may know how you feel.Day by day they grace their surroundings with their beauty and lovely scent, and they are taken for granted.It seems like no one truly appreciates them."

"But you do, Obaasan."

"Yes, indeed.But that is not the point.These lovely flowers keep on growing, regardless of who admires them.How they got to be so beautiful or so fragrant, no one will ever know.There may have been a time when this whole plant did not produce such delightful flowers at all.However, time changes everything.Why do you think this plant produces these flowers?" the old woman asked her as she plucked a couple of them and dropped them into Kaoru's palm.

"Because it needs attention?" she uttered, thinking the old woman was alluding to her.

"No, my dear, because it can.This plant is how it is now because it was able to change with time.The changes are not abrupt, but subtle, each change revealing a facet of its true forms now, ornate and balanced.It is true that these flowers attract the attention of bees and humans alike, but regardless of who they aim to attract, you must realize that they attract because they have the ability to do so."

"So how do I change?I mean, I'm not exactly beautiful enough ---"  
  


"This is your first mistake," she interrupted."I am sure that even the plant didn't ask itself the limits of its potential.My dear, you must first convince yourself that you can be beautiful.And to tell the truth," she said as she held out her old fingers to lift Kaoru's chin up, "you need not worry too much of the beauty you possess outside."

Grandmother Yamazaki retrieved her hand.She leaned backwards on the bench and looked upon her grandson, cutting the cool breeze with his bamboo sword.

"Kaoru-chan, you have already proved yourself to be a strong and independent young woman.You are rare and precious."

A gust of cool breeze blew past them, Kaoru's hair dancing in the wind.

"Perhaps you've forgotten?Or maybe you don't realize it just yet.This plant probably didn't, either, but it came to be just the same.But unlike this plant, you have an advantage."

"And what is that, Obaasan?"

"Out of the many eyes you catch gazing at you, you have the ability to choose who you return your gaze to and with who to interact.In other words, you can pick the one who will take care of you the most."

"But Obaasan, I've already chosen somebody, but I don't think he wants to be chosen."

Silence.

"If you already think this, then you are probably right."

The old lady traced an imaginary curve on the ground.She was not going to leave the girl dejected.

"And yet, flowers continue to bloom, because others will come to cherish and admire them for what they are."

Kaoru fell silent once again.Such a simple analogy gave her so much insight.With age comes wisdom, and it flowed naturally from the old woman's lips.She has never had her circumstances put that way for her, and the sage old woman had set her cards on a table for her to see more clearly.

"Perhaps 'Baachan can help you bring up your self-esteem again.You said you had these 'weaknesses' . . . "

Kaoru laughed and cried inside her at the same time.She now understood how her circumstances were, and to act on them seemed an insurmountable task.

"To begin with, Obaasan, I'm not a very good cook."

The old woman sat up and clapped her hands."My dear, consider this weakness strengthened."She stood up and took Kaoru's hand."I come from a family of chefs, and the Yamazaki wealth comes from the chain of hotels and restaurants we own.Shall I teach you?"

An appalled Kaoru could only nod.

"How about it, Kaoru-chan?You learn how to cook from me, and you promise me the first daughter you have will be Shintaro's bride.Sound fair?"

"But that's for the children to decide!"

"If it doesn't work out, then you can say that you tried at the least.All you have to do is encourage them."

"Why?"

"Because," the old woman grinned, "beauty of yours is a wonderful asset to have in the family."

Kaoru laughed."Shintaro's barely six years old."

"That little bee won't be blind when he becomes a man.Shall we go to the kitchen?"

"All right."And so they disappeared into the grand Yamazaki estate.

She was quick to learn.Grandmother Yamazaki was very precise and patient, allowing the girl to follow her preparations and motions.Kaoru noticed that they always tasted the food after an ingredient was added.The old woman taught her to gauge the amount of spices to add in and how long to keep the fire on by taste.In almost no time, Kaoru had produced something she thought could never happen: delicious, palate-wetting food.

"There.You did it, Kaoru-chan.Now you have a wonderful dinner."

"A wonderful dinner, "she repeated, the ladle still in her hand."Ah, dinner!"

She put the ladle down in haste and bowed humbly before the smiling grandmother."Thank you so much for everything, Obaasan.I am so grateful.But I'm late for dinner, I must go!"And at this, she turned and ran.

As she ran through the gate, the old lady shouted."Call me 'Baachan!"She quietly chuckled as she turned back to the kitchen.

The dojo was only several blocks away.As she ran, the old lady's words rang clear like pebbles hitting the bottom of a metal bucket.

_'You are rare and precious.'_

She smiled at this thought as she approached the gate to her home.


	3. Impression

"Where have you been

"Where have you been? We almost went to get you!" yelled the boy, bamboo sword behind his back.

Panting, she allowed herself to catch her breath. She rested her hands on her knees. 

"Kaoru-dono?"

She raised her head. The eyes of the cross-scarred man looked at her with query and worry.

"I'm . . . sorry... I'm late," she uttered as she stood erect and wiped her brow of perspiration.

"Dinner's ready, we can eat," he said. His tone was happy, and not a hint of disappointment was behind it. She was somewhat relieved of this.

They ate as the boy told them stories of amusing customers he had encountered when he helped at the Akabeko restaurant that day. The samurai's eyes stole occasional glances at Kaoru, her giggles ringing warm in his ears. She was not as talkative as usual, but her laughter gave him no cause for concern. Another gaze at her eyes told him of some unknown purpose, as if she had found something of value.

"I'll prepare the bath for you, Kaoru-dono," he said as he gathered the used bowls and chopsticks.

"Thank you, Kenshin."

After washing herself, she sank into the warm bath and let out a sigh. She may be an instructor, but she learned so much from the sweet old grandmother she felt she was now the student.

_'I can do it. I will do my best.'_

Kaoru became both instructor and student from then, teaching sword skills to the young boys and learning culinary arts from Grandmother Yamazaki. She started an hour earlier to coach Shintaro on his exercises upon the old woman's bidding so as not to be late for dinner again.

This schedule went on for several weeks until the old woman was content enough of Kaoru's skill to stop instruction. She then turned her attention to manners of dress. The old woman had graciously given her a few kimonos that she couldn't wear anymore because of her age and figure. After insistent persuasion, she accepted the elegant gifts.

"This is quite fun, Kaoru-chan. All I've had were sons. They weren't much fun with dress-up! Now, let's teach you poise and posture."

By the end of an hour, Kaoru had exchanged her boyish stances and paraded elegant ones in front of Grandmother Yamazaki. Satisfied, she sent her home along with the kimonos carefully packaged. 

_'Time changes everything . . . I can change with time.'_

She found the redheaded samurai waiting for her on the porch. Smiling demurely, she thought to practice her newly learned lesson.

"I'm home," she said. She looked into his eyes for a brief moment, as if she tried to find something that had dropped into an abyss. Startled at the weight of her stare, his heart skipped a beat and his cheeks began to betray him. 

"Wel... welcome home," he stuttered.

She broke the tension with a demure smile. As the old lady had taught her, she glided across the yard with the grace of a swan on water. Awed at her movements, he was dumbfounded with his eyes on her, mouth slightly gaping. His gaze followed her until she disappeared to turn the corner of the house. 

Kaoru headed to the bathroom with a change of clothes. As she turned the corner, she nearly collided with the gentle redhead, cheeks flushed.

"Ah . . . Kaoru-dono . . . I apologize if I was staring at you earlier."

"Oh, I didn't notice. No harm done. Thank you for preparing the bath."

Morning came and she opened her eyes with hesitation.Teaching and learning had been quite a strain on her, yet the lessons she learned were worth her endeavors.Calling to mind the reaction elicited from the blushing samurai last night, she was filled with excitement as she pushed the covers off, got up and took the wrapped kimonos out of their packaging.Which should she wear today?The kimonos were utterly magnificent, made from the finest silk she had ever laid her fingers on.People are bound to be suspicious as to why she would wear such elegant clothing.Pausing for a moment to find a purpose, she made her decision to practice.

She stepped out of her room and walked silently to the boy's room.She could hear his mumbling and snoring through the sliding door.As strict as she was about practice, she felt pity for him for the many hours he worked at the Akabeko last night.There had been a wedding reception with what seemed like a hundred guests, or so the boy said, and upon arriving home from the restaurant, she and the swordsman found him sound asleep a few feet away from the doorstep.

Still in her practice clothes, she went to the kitchen where the humming swordsman was diligently making breakfast.This particular habit of Kenshin always made her calm, and she wondered why he never revealed this habit of his when the boy was up and about.

"Good morning, Kaoru-dono.Breakfast is almost ready."He took a tray and put the bowls of food on it, walking over to the table carefully so as not to spill a drop of soup."Where's Yahiko?"

"I didn't have the heart to wake him.He worked so hard last night, I thought I'd let him sleep in for today."

"That's very kind of you," he said as he hummed a few more notes of a song familiar to Kaoru's ears.

"You're quite cheery today, Kenshin."Her compliment made him smile timidly.As he sat in front of her, she noticed the rice bin uncovered, revealing its emptiness save for a few grains scattered on the bottom.

"Let's eat while it's still hot."He waited for her to take a sip of her soup as always, looking for a sign of approval on her face.Pleasing her first thing in the morning always fueled his day.

"It's really good…" and after biting into a piece of fish and swallowing, "This is good, too.Kenshin, what can you _not_ do well?"

Hearing his hearty laugh, she smiled and took a sip of her tea.

_'Complimenting people for the things they do best draws them to you like the moon pulls on bodies of water.Men, in particular, will be drawn to you like sunflowers to the sun._'The dear old woman was right.

"Kenshin, I've noticed that we are out of rice.Perhaps I should go to the market today."

Putting his chopsticks down, he interjected, "You don't have to do that, Kaoru-dono.That's my job."

She looked at the rice bin once more.Placing another piece of fish into her mouth, she tilted her head in thought to look at the right corner of the ceiling, her chopsticks suspended and gently pressing against her closed lips.

This sight of her pulled at the corners of his mouth and at his very being; this very moment he wanted to put in memory and play it over and over._'What is this,'_ he wondered, _'how does she do this to me so easily, this feeling I can't even describe…'_

"Though I would be happy if you accompanied me, if you wish."

"What a good idea…" she said, putting her chopsticks down and ending the swordsman's reverie."Would you mind if I stopped at a few shops?"

"Not at all.When would you like to go?"

"An hour from now.Is that all right?"

"Take your time.I still have to clean the kitchen."

She stood and walked to the hallway, only to turn around to say, "You know what, Kenshin?" 

"Yes?"

"You really know how to get on my good side."And with a stunning smile, she was gone. 

He clutched the sides of his head and shut his eyes.'_God, if I'm asleep, never wake me up.'_

Remembering every instruction of Grandmother Yamazaki, Kaoru arranged her hair nimbly off her shoulders, placing pins to hold the thick locks in place.She chose the ruby kimono, and after dressing herself, she felt a pang of nervousness gnawing her insides.

_'First impressions always last.Remember that, Kaoru-chan.'_

"I wonder if I look impressionable enough…"

She stepped out to find the redhead samurai in the yard with broom in hand about to sweep the grounds.

"Shall we go?" she asked.He looked up, and with eyes wide open, he unknowingly let the lowered broom slip out of his hand as he slipped into a waking coma.There it was again, that strong, paralyzing pull in his chest, sending his pulse racing._'Beautiful beyond words…'_

"Kenshin?"

He could only stare.Seeing the fallen broom, she moved towards his direction.He panicked.

"Wait… I mean, no, don't come any closer!"

_'What am I saying?'_

"Kenshin, are you all right?"

"I… yes, I'm fine, it's just that… that if you come over here, you might get dirty…and… and are you sure you didn't forget anything?"

She stood astonished, then replied, "Oh yes, I forgot the money.Silly me.I'll be right back."

The instant she turned the corner of the hallway he ran to the well, drew a bucketful of water and submerged his head in the bucket.


	4. Jealousy

'Never mind that my hair is a sopping mess

_'Never mind that my hair is a sopping mess.I'm lucky I can be close to her right now.'_He dried himself quickly and waited for her once again by the gate.She came back with her purse, noting the rosy tint of his cheeks.

They walked down the avenue in companionable silence, she leading him by a couple of steps.Her eyes were transfixed at the sky.He followed suit, seeing nothing but a vast blue sky.Gazing back upon her, he noted that her kimono stood out in contrast to the common surroundings, and that included him.Humbled and awed, he spoke.

"I've never seen that kimono before.Did you just recently buy it?"

She stopped to turn around, her eyebrows raised in surprise."Obaachan Yamazaki gave it to me as a present."She lowered her gaze to look at her slightly raised arm."You don't think it's too showy, do you?"

"No, not at all.It suits you well.It goes with your eyes."

"But… the kimono is the color of rubies…"

"Yes, and your eyes are blue like sapphires.You look very dignified, Kaoru-dono."

"… Thank you, Kenshin."Not quite the comment she was hoping for, but she was happy the kimono made him take notice of her.A few more seconds, she began to think that he might have said that because he was conscious of his state of dress._'Dignified he said.' _His clothes were worn, and one can notice the repeated mending and stitching due to past swordfights.'_Great, he's probably self-conscious right now.'_

As they came upon the bridge, they again saw the same two familiar figures at the festival, along with the two children who were chasing each other with paper cranes.

"Hey, Kenshin!Care to introduce me to the pretty lady?"

"Sanosuke, it's only me."

The rogue and the doctor looked at each other, then back at her."'Jou-chan, is that you?"

"In the flesh."She resisted the urge to laugh.

"Kaoru, you look wonderful!Is there a special occasion?"

"Not really… I decided to wear this present from Obaachan Yamazaki."

"How generous of her!"The doctor pulled her aside and began to chat about the old woman with Kaoru.So absorbed were they that the two men were left alone with a discourse of their own.

"Good grief, Kenshin! Jou-chan is gorgeous!But don't get me wrong, I don't like her that way."

The reserved samurai smiled and replied, "Yes, she's very beautiful.Like a jewel."

"Did you tell her that?"

"Something to that extent…"

"Kenshin, it's obvious that she's trying to get someone's attention.You better bust a move, because the moment she goes into town, she will attract every living thing that can see."With quiet laughter, he left the slightly uneasy swordsman to chase the little girls up and down the bridge.

"Kaoru, I have to go.For some reason everyone's afflicted with some sort uneasiness, you know, the kind of feeling that makes you dizzy and warm.Like general malaise."

_'Like love, perhaps?'_She looked at her and smiled."It must be the spring weather."Looking at the tall man playing tag with the children, she recalled how fortunate Megumi and Sanosuke were.

"Must be."The doctor called to the giggling children.They took each of her hands and in unison bid them farewell, the tall gambler throwing a wave at them as he accompanied them home.

They walked into the hustle and bustle of town.The streets were filled with people and vendors were cooing loudly at potential customers.As they walked by, the samurai trailing behind her could hear the hushed voices and whispers of the people standing by.It was no surprise they were talking about his sapphire-eyed companion dressed in rubies.He quickened his pace to walk beside her.

"Which shop did you need to go to, Kaoru-dono?"

"Ah… actually, would it be all right if you buy the groceries right now and meet me at the rice stand in half an hour?I think it would be much more efficient that way, and I don't want you to wait on me."

"Is there anything you need me to carry for you?I mean, I can wait for you –--"

"No, it's all right.I can carry it."

A bit disappointed, he acquiesced.She waved at him and weaved through the crowd like a silk thread through water.It wasn't hard to follow her with his eyes, the ruby colored kimono made her stand out like royalty.And again he saw the heads of men turn as she passed by.Something churned inside him and urged him to follow, but instead he tore his eyes away from her fleeting form and did as he was asked.

He stood by the rice stand anxiously, peering constantly at the crowd for any sign of her.It wasn't that she was late.He was just quick to finish purchasing the groceries, thinking that she might already be waiting for him at the rice stand._'Why the hurry?It's all right, she'll come.'_A few minutes later his eyes caught sight of her emerging from a clothing shop with a package in one arm and the other waving goodbye to the shopkeeper.He smiled that she considered his waiting on her to be unnecessary; perhaps she wanted her privacy while she shopped.He then looked up at the store sign and read 'Furukawa Fine Clothing for Men'.

She found him gazing at her with the slightest hint of a wrinkled brow."Were you waiting long?Was I late?"

_'Why would she be in a men's clothing store?'_

"Kenshin, are you all right?"

"What?Oh… I'm sorry.No, I just finished early.Shall we get the same amount of rice as before?"

"Yes."

The way back home felt as if it were miles long.He carried the groceries along with the barrel of rice so easily, and she wondered how a man of his build found the strength to do so.He even offered to carry her little package that she kept close to her chest, but she politely declined.That day's impression left its mark well to her observation, yet she had this unnerving sensation in the pit of her stomach that made her think of hiding under a blanket.He was so quiet, she almost felt like she was walking alone down the avenue.

So immersed was he in his thoughts that he completely missed the gate to the dojo.He did not wake from his worrying trance until the second time her voice called to him.Embarrassed and apologetic, he went directly to the kitchen and put the groceries away.

_'You better bust a move, because the moment she goes into town, she will attract every living thing that can see.'_

The samurai suffered the jealous emotion that ripped through his insides and stabbed through his chest.Many years ago, dealing with women was different.Whether it was his reluctance to reach for the woman just behind the wall of the kitchen or helpless ineptitude of confronting his feelings about her, it was all the same to him:if he opened his mouth to tell her, he was afraid he would lose his nerve and utter some nonsense._'I already act like a fool, opening my mouth will just prove I'm one.'_Many other younger men he thought would come along to say exactly what she needs to hear.They would be of the same era as Kaoru would be.True Meiji people with no past to muddy them.He dreaded the thought of another man, another younger man winning his blue-eyed beauty over.He felt so helpless.

As he prepared the ingredients for supper, he thought that the best way to deal with it all was to act as normal as he possibly could and serve her the best way he knew how:like royalty.


	5. She Can Cook

No harm done - fifth installment

She had hoped that the withdrawn samurai would notice her even more with the breath-taking kimonos she wore. There was no doubt that he looked at her differently; she even turned the heads of other men on the street when they went to town to buy groceries for dinner. And she followed Grandmother Yamazaki's instructions to the very angle of her head when she strolled on the avenue.

This continued for a week. And the next.

Weeks became months.

Not a word from the redhead. 

In the following days she became weary and began to think that despite the changes she had brought on herself, the timid samurai wasn't at all interested in her. She then thought back to the old woman's words. 

_' . . . Some bees are just not meant to be attracted . . . '_

The words struck at her like a gong and reverberated inside her head.

' . . . Not meant to be . . .'

The low yowling of a neighbor's dog could be heard from her room. Wind seemed to run past the tops of trees in a hurry, and the low roar of thunder replaced the dog's howl. In a twinkle of an eye, the rain poured heavily. It was then she accepted the many simple facts that she swallowed as truth: that she can never be of anymore interest to Kenshin than a friend, this despite her well worked-for change within her cocoon into a butterfly, that she was perhaps too young for him, and on, and on.

While the rain poured, she wept.

She could not bear the sight of him. She did everything she could to avoid him, leaving early in the morning before the redhead could make breakfast, missing lunch and dinner altogether with the excuse that her lessons with the students would take longer than expected. She even sent the boy Shintaro to bear the message. It wasn't long before the old woman noticed. 

One afternoon while the boy practiced in the yard, Grandmother Yamazaki called to Kaoru.

"Dear, come sit by 'Baachan."

She did so reluctantly.

"Now, tell 'Baachan what you've been running away from."

Slowly, she told the dear old lady her feelings, choking back a sob here and there. The grandmother nodded and smiled as she finally broke down and cried on her lap.

"Everything was wrong, 'Baachan . . . I did everything was perfect, but it didn't work."

The old woman took a handkerchief from her obi as she did before and wiped the tears form Kaoru's eyes.

"Kaoru-chan, didn't I tell you some bees are just not meant to be attracted?"

She nodded at this with disappointment.

"Didn't I also tell you that even if this is so, flowers will continue to bloom because others will come to cherish and admire them for what they are? Kaoru-chan, the flower plant isn't doing this for the sole purpose of being admired. It does so because it is what satisfies the plant. It blooms for its own sake, with or without an admirer. I thought you got the lesson the first time. Let me tell you again. These things I've taught you, do them with the purpose that they are what make you happy. If you cannot allow yourself to let go and find happiness in yourself, then all of this cannot help you. The gentleman you have in mind is not the only man in Japan, Kaoru-chan. My humble opinion is that you are limiting your beauty to a bee that is not responsive. I've heard from other around town that you've roused the interest of many men. Men are not blind to beauty and kindness. You possess both. If only I had another son, surely I would have pressed you two to be together by now!"

This last statement made her laugh through her tears.

"But really, you alone can make yourself happy with the decisions you make. You can either allow yourself to chase this blind bee and hope he will notice you, or you can let him go, let others find you and give you the happiness you need. This is your final lesson, Kaoru-chan. 'Baachan has told you all she can."

She understood word for word. All the while she thought of being subdued in sadness, she never thought she had the power to pull herself out. There was a renewed sparkle in her eye; she had made up her mind.

"Oh, 'Baachan," she said as she embraced the old lady, "you've been so good and helpful to me, I don't know how to thank you."

"Your first daughter will do," the old woman promptly replied.

Kaoru laughed, and it felt good to do so. "'Baachan, I don't even have a suitor, little less a husband!"

Grandmother Yamazaki chuckled softly. "I give it a month. Promise, Kaoru-chan?"

"I promise. 'Baachan, you're the closest person I've ever had to a mother."

Now laughing a bit louder, "Oh, Kaoru-chan, how you flatter this old lady! How I do want to adopt you so much!"

They giggled together, prompting the boy Shintaro to stop swinging his wooden sword in the air out of curiosity. A koi fish jumped out of the water for an instant as the sun slowly bid goodbye over the horizon.

--------xoOox--------

_'She has been acting unusual._

_'Ever since she came back from the festival in town, she hasn't been the same. She hasn't been teaching her students lately. She would take a walk alone in the early evenings right before dinner, in deep thought. Her eyes look as if they have seen a sad picture, her brow slightly crumpled from worry. I offered to accompany her, but her forced smile and reply that she would like to go by herself drives me to worry. _

_'Was it someone who upset her? New that is bothering her? Or was it me?'_

All these thoughts ran through his head. He came back home from fishing to find the stoves in the kitchen with boiling pots on top of them. 

_'The doctor must be over.'_ He turned and nearly ran into Kaoru, her hands holding a bowl of tofu.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going."

"That's all right. No harm done."She smiled at him, leaving him in quiet amazement to see her take the chopping board, lift the knife out of its holder to cut the cube of tofu into smaller cubes. She took off the lid of the pot, added in the cubes of tofu, stirred it twice and tasted it. She smiled. She did this all naturally, like a chef.

"I forgot to tell you, I want to cook dinner tonight." She glanced at the basked he was holding as he stared at her. "I'll go and prepare that, too. Thanks for catching fish today." 

He mindlessly gave her the basket, watching her as she twirled the knife in her hand, scaled and degutted the fish with several swift strokes.

_'Amazing . . .'_

"Oh, could you watch the pot for awhile? I forgot to get the watermelons from the well." With his nod, she left the kitchen. He approached the pot simmering with delicious smelling food. Taking the ladle, he scooped a little broth to taste it. 

_'Wow, this is even better than my cooking! Where did she learn how to cook this well?'_

Matters were getting stranger every day. She has been withdrawing from her company, and she politely did so. Most of the time he spent with her was during meals. Even then she was recluse, keeping to herself in deep concentration and thought. Out of respect for her, he let her be.

Dinner was as bit different that evening. The boy and former gangster took their usual places, their stomachs grumbling at the smell of food.

"Kenshin, you've outdone yourself this time. It smells too good!"

"Man, why couldn't she make food like this?" the boy smirked.

"She did." 

His company was dumbfounded. "Come again, Kenshin?"

"I didn't do any of this except catch the fish."

Kaoru entered the room with the pot of rice and sat at her usual place. All eyes were on her as she took their bowls and filled it with rice, not looking up until she finished filling hers. Both the boy and Sano were wide-eyed and gaping. Smiling, she dismissed any possible denial and said, "I hope you like it."

They all ate in silence. Sano couldn't believe it, but his palate loved every bit of food. Yahiko's cheeks bulged with food and looked like he would choke. The redhead marveled at the taste, yet at the same time pondered at all the oddities that came to be. After everyone had his fill, she asked, "Was it all right?"

"Yeah, surprisingly. But really, it was very good." 

"Thank you, Yahiko. I appreciate that compliment."

She turned to Sano, but he was already falling asleep. She smiled.


	6. Confession

He felt certain that she was back to her normal self, but with a different air about her

He felt certain that she was back to her normal self, but with a different air about her. He could not find a description for it. He only knew that every so often he would glance at her eyes and she would look back with a sense of withdrawal and contentment, if one can mix the two.

Searching his mind for reasons, he concluded that Kaoru's metamorphosis was because of him. She changed from being beautiful to being absolutely breathtaking. She no longer inflicted pain on him or Yahiko when she was provoked. Actually, she wasn't angry lately, and even the boy took notice of this. She replaced her temper with a longer one, and her demeanor more taciturn. She can cook now. He has heard her cry at night and he felt helpless to defend her from whatever hurt her. At one time, he tried to console her as she sat on the porch, but she shied away from him, got up and walked away.

It was then he decided to leave.

_'I cannot go on knowing that I made her sad like that. Even now her smiles are forced. I love her, but lately she has just been too unhappy with me, I cannot understand why. Leaving her alone would be best for her.'_

He packed his few belongings at dawn and put the futon and bedding away. He had prepared a note beforehand, thinking to leave it on the table before he left. As he headed for the table, a note was already there. It was addressed to him.

_Kenshin,_

_Please meet me in front of the oak trees by the river. I'll be waiting._

_Kaoru_

His heart filled with apprehension and nervousness. What would he tell her? More importantly, what would she tell him?

He set out to do as the letter bid him.

Sure enough, a beautiful woman dressed in an exquisite kimono, various shades of blue with butterflies and white and pink flower motifs, was sitting on a log, waiting. To him, she looked out of place sitting there; she was an empress sitting in such common surroundings.

He approached her and stood to greet him with a warm, honest smile. He melted.

"Thank you for coming. I was beginning to worry." She eyed his duffel bag. "I see you've decided to wander again. If you do leave, I have to tell you something important. I know you have a lot of questions. I will answer them now. Could we sit down?"

They sat together, looking at the water run swiftly along the river.

Silence.

She stirred.

"The old lady whose grandson I teach, she taught me how to cook. But she's taught me more than that. She taught me not to rely on others for happiness. Only I can make myself happy."

She looked up in the sky as a light breeze blew past them. She tucked a straying lock of hair behind her ear.

"People know of my affections toward you. I am not going to deny it. I was told that proper ladies didn't pursue men. They let themselves be pursued. I guess what I'm trying to say is," she clasped her hands as if to pray, "that no matter how much I love a person, I cannot make him love me. From the beginning I told myself I won't act on my feelings because it wouldn't be proper. But then again, when was I truly proper? My budo allowed me to be free-spirited, expressive, and at times stubbornly fierce. A proper lady is demure, tactful, and slyly passive. The old lady made me realize that if I were to find somebody who would remotely take interest in me, and if this is what will make me happy, then I should do something about it."

He didn't know what to say to her, the same girl who made him feel warm and at ease ever since he stopped wondering.She was the reason he stopped wandering. He was happy to hear her confession, yet his ears also dreaded where her words would take him. 

"Kenshin . . . the reason I tried to avoid you is because there was something I needed to change in me. And for the most part, I think I've already done it."

She took a deep breath and stared at the billowing clouds once more. 

"At first I was hopeful, thinking that you would notice me. But I think it was because of the fact that I wasn't such a proper lady that I wasn't able to catch your eye, nor anybody else's. I've finally decided that I cannot keep hoping for something to be said or done if I keep being unlady-like. I thought maybe if I change, someone else could like me."

She let out a nervous chuckle, not knowing her company had just discovered one of the most painful ways to crush one's heart: rejection. _'That's right, I've never told her...'_ She translated his silence as rejection. His insides went numb, and his heart beat with a quick, swelling ache. His mouth tried to say something but nothing came out. _'No...'_

"I always thought you were the best friend I could ever have. You are so dependable, kind-hearted and unjudging. But when I started falling for you... something inside told me that you could never like someone like me. Not like that. Because I'm not proper. Because I raise my voice, throw things and tackle people. Like the old lady said, I can do something about it. The world never stopped for anybody, and it will continue to go on even after I die. I cannot dwell on it. It won't make me happy. I cannot leave this task to anybody. I have to do it myself."

"The fortune I was told by that lady at the festival convicted me of my selfish thoughts.But when she told me that I could do something about it, about… about what I felt about you, I tried.Would I have gotten hurt if I didn't catch your eye?I know the answer to that.But no matter what I tried to draw you to me, not one was effective.As if I was a drug that loses its strength with each day that passes… I don't want to become weak from waiting…"

Upon hearing this, his heart panged even more. He couldn't comprehend why he was so demure about it. He thought maybe his actions would do the talking. He then realized that his words for this matter carried a lot more force and meaning, that with all the knowledge and training with the sword, no defense could have prevented the pain he was feeling. He wanted to say them, words his coy lips couldn't utter; but the words she had spoken left him frozen to the very core of his being. 

"… and so this decision to let go of my feelings for you is sufficient medicine for my lingering, bitter as it was.It wasn't easy. That's why I couldn't look at you for more than a minute, because if I did, I'd just get hurt.Please don't be angry… I'm a mere person who made a mistake…Please don't misunderstand.I'm the one who let myself get hurt. This is none of your fault. I now know I don't interest you the way I'd like you to be... I... I was just trying my best to be happy."

He was still, and yet inside he was struggling to breathe.A fish caught in dry land.

"I cannot stop you from leaving. But please know that I still consider you my friend, and I harbor no ill feelings for you.I don't know whether to laugh or cry at my folly… but I know it's better to laugh and thank God that I still have you for a friend."

The clouds drew nearer over them, dark and heavy, as if they carried the weight of her words. The low rumble of thunder could be heard from the horizon. 

"I'm sorry if I've been difficult. I must've worried you. But I don't have to avoid you now. I've gotten stronger over the past few days. I've dealt with it. I don't need to torture myself anymore. And you don't have to leave if you don't want to. There's plenty of room at home, and you can stay. After all, you're still my friend, and I'd like to take care of you for being my friend."

With that, she handed him the very package she purchased from the tailor shop.Numb and stunned, he mindlessly opened the package to uncover a dark blue gi, beautifully crafted and made of the finest silk.

At that moment, he wanted to cry.

_'No, that's not it. You've got it all wrong...'_

A raindrop fell on her cheek. Then another. And another. She gasped. "Kenshin, we'd better take cover or we'll be soaked."

She got up and ran to the trunk of a majestic tree by the river. She turned around to find him still in the same spot where she left him, but now standing up. She called to him again, urging him to hurry before he catches a cold. 

He stood there, motionless. **_'I just lost her because I didn't say anything.'_** He turned his eyes on her, staring at her mouth as she opened and closed it to tell him to take shelter. None of her words reached him; he only heard the accusations ring loudly in his head.

Then he moved. Slowly. The rain began to pelt on him furiously, and he was almost a blur to her eyes. His slow movement towards her made her nervous.

_'I must've disappointed him,'_ she thought, as she wiped the raindrops that fell from the tree leaves onto her face. She felt downcast as she though about what she just told him_. 'It's okay to give in. This was something I couldn't win in the first place. It was better to tell him.'_

He was now under the umbrella of the tree. His eyes never left her face, his brow furrowed with guilt and fists clenched. 

_'I cannot lose her.'_

He walked closer and closer to her until they were no more than six inches apart. Uncomfortable with the close distance between them, she shifted. As she did, his arms reached for her and locked her in a tight embrace, his duffel bag and present falling to the ground. Her eyes could not get any wider; her body froze as his grip grew tighter.

And they remained like so for a long time. The rain did not stop its assault. It drowned all sound to those who can hear. Even the samurai's sobs.

"No, that's not it. That's not how it's supposed to be," he said, his lips brushing against her ear as he spoke. "You've always been beautiful... and now you're even more beautiful." He began to think of the many heads she turned when she went to town on errands. His heart filled with familiar jealousy as he remembered. "You've always been proper to me... I cannot believe how careless I was to let you think otherwise." 

The cool rain mingled with the searing tears that burned his eyes. 

"You don't have to do all this.God, you don't know how perfect you are already… how precious you are to me…do you know how many times I've resisted the urge to embrace and cling to you helplessly like this?Please... don't give up on me... please..."

At this she tried to breathe, to understand what went on in his mind and what she has tried not to do all along: break down. She was still convinced that she had found the solution and the way to end her waiting and unhappiness: she would throw away her love for him to find another who can love her in return. But why did this gentle redhead choose to tell her now, now that she has fought and struggled with herself to replace the love she felt for him with a platonic one?

She tried to push him away but he was immovable. She did not understand it, she thought she did, but now she just got more confused. And all this thinking overwhelmed her; her body could not take it anymore. Her limbs began to fail her as she tried to push him away once more. Her breathing was faint, and her lips turned pale. 

He noticed that she was collapsing and released his hold to steady her. 

"Kaoru-dono?"

She held her head up with all her strength before giving in to the exhaustion that claimed her body.

"I...thought I figured it out..."

She became limp, and then consciousness left her. He gasped at the sight of her seeming lifeless. He took her in his arms and carried her as he ran into the rain towards the house. 

_'What have I done?'_

"She'll need to rest for a few days. Her body is really tense but weak. It's as if she was constantly fighting something..." The doctor's gaze shifted from the bed-ridden Kaoru to the worried redhead.

"Ken-san, she will make it. Don't worry so much."

He looked at her with pathetic eyes. "What happened to her?"

"She had a nervous breakdown. I heard from Sano that she's been acting odd lately, like she was thinking too much, perhaps of a burden unknown to us. The heart grows weak, pumping less blood for the body. The body in turn grows weak."

Kaoru shifted in bed, her breathing long and heavy. 

"I did this to her," he mumbled apologetically.

Earlier while she was getting water from the kitchen, she saw the letters left on the table. Feeling more concern for the grief-stricken girl than being betrayed by the samurai's resolve to leave, she somewhat understood what happened that momentous morning. She understood his guilt. The doctor waited for him to speak.

"How could I have been so careless?" he said, shutting his eyes.

After another moment of silence, the perceptive doctor finally understood. She remembered a time when Kaoru had said in passing that she wished she knew how Kenshin felt about her; seeing her eyes then told of her she longing. The corners of her eyes twitched at the sad fact that men can sometimes be insensitive, and the truth was that she was disappointed that he of all people fell into this description. How could he not notice? The beautiful kimonos, the recent way she has carried herself, the changes? Changes. Irritated but sympathetic, she turned to the guilty one.

"Ken-san...do you think you can take care of her the way she is?"

"You mean --"

"Can you accept her the way she is, on top of anything else she wants to be?"

He thought of the first time he saw her, wooden sword in hand with bold shiny eyes; when it was raining and he took hold of her hand while Yahiko was turned to them; when she gave him her ribbon by the river. 

"I already have."

The doctor stood up and knocked his head with her fist.

"Oro --"

"If she makes you happy, tell her. We all know you can speak." The doctor let a sly grin slip across her face, but gazed at him with an accusing eye. "I don't know what happened out there in the rain, but I have a feeling it's not over yet." She headed for the door and slid it open. "Ken-san, I know what it feels like to wait a long time. Don't you think she's waited long enough?"

She disappeared behind the door and his eyes returned to Kaoru. He sat closer to her as he watched the rise and fall of her chest, labored with breathing. _'Yes, she's waited long enough. But she just told me she doesn't feel the same about me anymore.'_ He groaned at the realization that her struggle with her feelings was what pushed her to the breaking point. He thought she would like someone who was closer to her age, someone who would not worry her because of his past. And, oh, how precious she was to him! Everything about her was - her eyes, her smile, and the way she held her wooden sword, her voice, her very being... he thought on and on.

"Kaoru..." he whispered as he reached to hold her hand in his. "This is entirely my fault.It wasn't that I didn't notice you… the truth is that I constantly noticed you, even before all this.My heart fell the moment I saw you… and I nearly lost my mind when I saw you dressed in your ruby-colored kimono.I never knew a beautiful woman like you could become even more beautiful.You needed no changing for anyone, especially not for me.You've won me over a long time ago… I was like a dog that wanted to follow you everywhere in the hopes of being caressed by your pretty hands.And perhaps that is why I did not utter a word about how I felt for you… in the darkness of my sins I resigned to treat myself like a mere animal.I am in no position to wish for a miracle to happen.And so when you told me that you felt the same way about me… me!A person who lost all innocence and humanity, like a man thrown into the ocean that couldn't open his mouth to tell you he loves you… I have never felt like this before, such happiness that I cannot contain!The shell of the being that I was shattered and I became free, like a cloud floating without a care in the world except that you love me… and I in turn love you, more than any treasure in this world, because you are the only treasure for me that exists in this life… I've fought for people to have peace today, over ten years ago.I'm good at handling the sword, but I'm no good at handling the heart, especially yours. I feel so much for you; at times when we're together I thought my heart would burst.I've killed before and I regretted it. But if I think of the sins I've committed as a bridge that led to this new peace we live in now, that you're able to live in, I can live with them. Knowing that you're happy with it... seeing that you're content in it... with me. Oh, I wish it were with me. Please forgive this worthless one for not telling you. You've filled my heart with you... I can't imagine it being empty without you... When you wake up, you might be disappointed with me, you might even hate me... that would be worse than giving up on me. Oh please, forgive my carelessness... I love you so much... everything about you. You didn't have to change... I've loved you all this time... and I didn't think it was possible to fall any deeper in love with you... but you, you make anything possible... for me. If you'd let me, I will make you happy. I want to make you happy. Please let me... please don't give up on me... please don't leave this poor old man alone..." 

And at this he let tears escape his eyes.

She shifted in her sleep, her brow crinkled. Then she opened her eyes. His heart skipped a beat at their sight, suddenly aware that her hand was still in his. And something tore inside him, a familiar wall he had strived to maintain. At that instant, he wanted to fight. Fight for her. 

"Has it stopped raining yet?" she asked.

"No, it's still pouring."

"Is the roof leaking?"

"What?"

He looked down on their tangled hands to see that teardrops had saturated her fingers.

"It's all right. You don't have to cry. It takes more than a storm to take me out."

As she laid in silence, a clap of thunder startled her. She felt the grip on her hand increase as her body tightened. She began to relax. Looking at the rain, she spoke. 

"I thought I figured it out."

It was the last sentence she spoke before fainting. He recognized this and took a deep breath. 

"Kaoru... I'm sorry. For letting you down. For not thinking of your feelings. For --"

"No, don't apologize. It's okay. No harm done."

The patter of raindrops engulfed them.He knew that wasn't true, regardless of the kind intention she put behind those words.A person doesn't just fall to her knees of weakness.His trepidation to voice his feelings did all this harm to her body and mind.Inexcusable.

"Are you disappointed at what I said earlier?" she asked.

"I... yes, I am, but not at what you said."

"Then at what?"

"At what I haven't said."

Despite her weakness she rose to sit up. She looked at him despairingly with compassion in her eyes.

"It's okay. I can be wrong. I never thought you'd tell me. And because of that, I made the wrong assumption."

"You... you heard me?"

She chuckled. She was aware that he was nervous. 

"Are you..." he choked in an attempt to clear then knot in his throat. "Have you completely given up on me?"

She looked down on her lap. "Megumi told me that men sometimes don't realize things until it's too late."

His eyes widened, his heart sank. So she confirmed it. He was too late. 

"I can still be happy. It's not too late, right?"

He bowed his head into a nod. He blamed himself for not telling her sooner. _'Don't let her go...'_ In desperation he pulled on her enclosed hand and took her in a tight embrace. 

"Please, don't give up on me. I can fight with demons and survive, but I cannot lose you to my carelessness... If you just let this old man redeem himself, I --"

"It's true that you're older than me," she said, encircling him in her arms and resting her head on his shoulder. "But you're not that old."

His heart leapt at her words. He eased his hold on her and looked at her to find her eyes filled with tears and her lips bent into a soft smile. 

It was liberation for him, his heart and soul. Right then, the way they were, he wanted to repeat his confession.

"I love you, Kaoru... from the very beginning, I loved you."

She held him back with all the strength that remained in her. "Thank you... for filling this void in my heart. I lied to you when I said I threw it all away... I just placed it somewhere else.Flowers are flowers.I'm only human."

He didn't care whether he understood the last words she said.All that mattered was that his fear of living a life without her in it was gone.She began to grow weak again. He laid her back down slowly, not wanting to strain herself. After covering her with the blanket, he laid right beside her, lifting her head and resting it gently on his arm. She was neither alarmed nor afraid, knowing that the hand that touched her was the hand that would take care of her for the rest of her life. 

Before drifting into sleep, she spoke. "I can cook now... it won't taste so bad... I love you, Kenshin. You make me happy..." And she slept.

He smiled upon hearing her words, and kissed her forehead. "Thank you for letting me win you back." He held her close and closed his eyes. At that moment, he felt complete.He, too, felt tired; he carried his fears and withheld emotions far too long.He no longer cared what tomorrow would bring, because from then on, he would live a full life. 


End file.
